Wednesday, November 09, 2011

My quest for the best Caesar salad in Downtown Lawrence, KS

Mirth
Unbeknownst to me, this quest started a few months ago when I got a large caesar from Mirth Cafe - it is the best one I've had so far and I've been back to Mirth two or three times for this salad. The dressing is creamy, almost sweet, there is a good ratio of romaine to dressing (although I would use just a little less dressing), and there are plenty of house-made garlic croutons. Going forward I think I'll get the dressing on the side, though, so I can get that ratio just right.

Pickleman's
Today I picked up a Caesar to go and I ate at my desk. Mind you, none of these salads will have chicken on them since I don't eat chicken and I think it's weird to put meat on salads. Unless it's salami. Pickleman's was just okay. There were not near enough croutons (my favorite part), and they were a generic, factory seasoned deal. The dressing was plentiful and on the side by default, is tangy and bold (possibly balsamic vinegar in there), but could use a little balance with some more sweet/creaminess. The lettuce is a mix of romaine and iceberg lettuce. Dude. I'm a purist as far as the Caesar, and only romaine should be used in this salad. I'll give it a 6 out of 10.

Coming soon!
Local Burger
Free State
Noodles & Co.
10?
Tellers

Please suggest downtown restaurants' Caesar salad I should try in the comments.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Healthcare is hard to come by

"...reforming health care is a moral obligation, and ... the responsibility to heal the sick is at the heart of every faith tradition and is required for a civilized society..." - Peter Dreier and Marshall Ganz, The Washington Post

Think: If you have been prescribed a drug for any condition, let alone hospitalized, in the last ten years, it is next to impossible to get individual health insurance. Many of the uninsured are people with pre-existing conditions who have been rejected by the insurance conglomerates and cannot afford COBRA or other state alternatives. How is this their fault?

More and more people are losing their jobs, and along with that their health insurance. The uninsured inevitably will wait to seek care until their condition merits a visit to the emergency room. As more emergency care is given and the recipients go into bankruptcy instead of paying for their care, hospitals and doctors are not paid for their services.

Emergency rooms don't give care based on insurance - the triage is based on the seriousness of what is in front of them. Good luck to the insured with a fresh laceration that needs stitches. The uninsured with the neglected laceration that might require an amputation gets first dibs.

What is wrong with the people who claim that it's the fault of the uninsured that they are asthmatic or diabetic or, worse yet, a parent of a child with leukemia? Many of these people call themselves Christians. Shame on them. It's sickening.

When COBRA ran out and I remained self-employed, I was rejected by three insurance companies for coverage due to pre-existing conditions. This forced me to abandon my promising freelance career and search for a less rewarding, low-wage job that offered health insurance. In a nutshell, my American Dream was put to an abrupt halt. For six months I was uninsured, and it was terrifying. I treated a urinary tract infection with cranberry supplements for three weeks until I got a fever and realized my only option was to see a doctor. I paid more than $400 for the doctor visit and prescription. And I live in Kansas.

If my fellow citizens in this country have become so self-absorbed that they refuse to consider the right to seek affordable health care by their neighbors, the people who serve their coffee, even the people they sit next to in church, then shame on them.

Worse yet: The lies that are propagated by "mainstream" conservative media like Fox News is, in and of itself, terrorism. Insidious hints that socialized health care is associated with Communism, and even the Nazi party, have stirred this country into a terrified frenzy that Al Quaeda could only wish for.

Compassion is priceless. Apparently it's hard to come by these days. Yes, taking care of the people around you comes with a price. It's a small price to pay in the end.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Grandpappa

This weekend I get to see my Grammie Stout, who brought my Grandpappa back to life over the last year. Seriously, last year when my family gathered there for Labor Day weekend we all thought we were saying goodbye to Grandpappa... but Grammie stubbornly refused to let him die. She fractured her face, endured a major laceration on her arm, all while caring for him while shunning in-home hospice (she didn't like strangers in her home)... hefting Grandpappa from bed to wheelchair to... now he's walking. And more cognizant.

I hate to admit this: I have a wicked fantasy about asking Grandpappa how he feels about Obama. Mind you, he's an old-school conservative... As a GM manager in the Flint, MI plant, he had to fire more people than I want to think about and was literally one of those top 3% in that world. Thanks to Mom, I was made aware of a touch of racism that lingered around there to boot. I learned a good lesson at the age of 15 when Grandpappa and I got to talking about Reagan and I just could NOT for the life of me sway his opinion about how evil that man was. That's when I was introduced to the mind-boggle they now call "spin". Now... any talk about politics is a no-no-no-no-no-infinity. Cubed.

Despite our differences, I love that man, as well as his life-saving better half, my Grammie, within the dearest depths of my heart. My childhood memories of our visits to their home, most often for Christmas, evoke vivid memories of pure happiness, marred by nothing but the occasional reality (like the hornets' nest I uncovered in their barn, which sucked ass).

Epiphany: Maybe that's how the "spin" works! If you live in a virtual eutopia, isolated from omg how real, for instance, *my* world has shapen up to be thus far, I can almost fathom the letting-go it takes to fall for it.

Grandpappa is not, however, someone who shuns the outside world. He has avidly traveled the world, and shared it with his family, taking his children and their spouses on various international vacations every other summer while my generation stayed home. Grammie and Grandpappa gave each of their granddaughters (there were no boys) the opportunity to join them on their vacation the summer after their high school graduation. This was our graduation gift. I was the only grandchild that did not accept this offer. I made many excuses back then, but now I humbly admit: I thought I was too sophisticated for their tourist dalliance.

I was wrong. I missed out... What I didn't experience was being with these people: my family. In an unfamiliar place. Embarrassing me from hell. Memories I'll never have to make me cringe and laugh.

Upon college graduation, I got a check from Grammie and Grandpappa - much more than I expected. Turns out they added the cost of the trip I never took with them (high school graduation) to their generous gift to me for graduating college. To this day, it stings. Worse than the hornets.

I guess that's why I love nothing more than when I saw Grandpappa last year. I got there before the rest of the visiting family did, said "hello" as I leaned over so he could see me from the port-a-bed. He reached out: "Stephie! How's my girl?! How's my special girl?!" and hugged me something fierce. I said something along the lines of "that looks comfy - where's my bed?" as he held me tight and I cried and he chuckled.

So... in less than 48 hours I'm going back to say "hello" to Grandpappa, against all odds. No more goodbyes.

This is what I have learned: Not every "goodbye" has to be the end of a "hello". Not unless you want it to.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Leaving Home

I don't leave home much anymore, now that I don't have to. Each time I can be bothered to go out into the real world I'm reminded why it's just not my thing anymore.

On Sunday I was woefully lacking beer and cigarettes, so I was forced to make the big leap out the front door to right that wrong. It was a gorgeous sunny day in the low 70s and a slight breeze. Pretty much the ideal weather for any decent human. I barely noticed as I quickly made my way down to my little corner store. It's literally little - ideally there should be no more than one customer in there at a time. Unfortunately I happened to get there while some vacuous mother followed her cute little kid around the store as he got in my way at each area I needed to get at. This woman figured I was so enchanted with her fucking kid's cute presence that the fact I couldn't get to anything I needed to purchase in that place was really no big deal.

See, I don't have anything to eat here at home and I need a break from the only place I like to order delivery from. So... I wanted to get a few staples along with the beer and smokes. But... I didn't get the food I needed thanks to this fucking kid,. I almost caused him gross bodily harm when I opened the refrigerator to get my beer, and I was so flustered by it I almost forgot to get cigarettes. All the while the fucking mother is babbling at the fucking kid as he got in my way, "oh, no, you're too young for beer! you want milk!" "oh no you can't have candy, you can have crackers!" "oh isn't he just the most precious fucking kid!" GOD!

I'm sure if I ever have kid(s) I will be very much in love with them. But I have the presence of mind not to project that upon the general public, for jesus' tapdancing sake. If that had been my kid I would have removed him from the tiny store while the nice pretty lady does her shopping. I mean, she didn't even buy anything!


Epilogue (August, 2008): Turns out the lady and the fucking kid are the owner's wife and son. Who knew?! Just found this out when I was there two days ago and the owner was staring far too intensely below my tits but not quite at my crotch. I caught his eye as this was going on and looked down as if perhaps I'd forgotten to clean my belly button. As he blushed, he asked what the hell my belt buckle said... right as the wife and fucking kid walk in the door.

This I respect: before anyone said anything, the owner points at my belt buckle (my awesome Stevie Wonder cool neat-o) and tells his wife he was caught staring inappropriately at my nethers. She laughed and gave him a bit of a tongue-lashing in the same breath. Interestingly, she's Asian, he's an Arab, so we shared a common language (English has its place) and I could figure out what the fuck was going on. And the fucking kid is cute as fuck. Fucking kid....

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Dummy Post

Don't really feel like having my recent spillage up top. Posting this instead. It's hot out there. There was a cat on my fire escape earlier today - it was not only completely freaking my cats out, getting hissed and growled at, but sitting there with no escape from the sun, panting. Poor lil bugger. I went out to give it some water but this terrified creature refused. Then I realized it was not terrified at all. The owners were 2 floors down watching me. That little fucker was taunting my poor old kitties. Like it was better than them just because it was outside and, by the looks of it, would outlive my geriatric sibs.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Unlucky 7

I lost a lot this year. I lost my ability to feel happy. I lost someone I thought was the love of my life. I lost my job. I lost most of my friends. I even lost any interest in bathing or brushing my teeth. Eventually I lost my will to live. In a nutshell, I lost me. My unique, infectious vitality went pitch black for over 6 months.

Funnily enough, the day I hit rock bottom was the same day I suddenly started feeling happy for the first time in 6 months. The pain I had endured for so long, at every waking moment, had finally toppled the little strength I had left, and I just couldn’t fucking fight it anymore. As I saw it, the only way I could stop the pain was to just end my existence. So I started the day out cutting my wrists, finding it too painful to cut deep enough to accomplish what I’d set out to do. I thought of my family, my cats, the few friends I had left, and realized I had to pee. So I took a break from attempting to slash my wrists to take a leak, and thought perhaps I should call my friend Tim to come over and distract me. At least I had enough of my mind left to know I would not survive to the end of the day if I spent it alone.

Tim came over, we went on an errand, and while we were walking back towards my house, I felt an unusual sensation wash throughout my body. Since January, I had been effectively isolated from any good feelings, so it took me a while to put my finger on it. Finally I identified this unfamiliar emotion as contentment. As soon as it flooded through me, I felt this relief I’d never be able to describe, a feeling better than any drug. It was so complete and unexpected, and the darkness that had fogged my world was suddenly white hot and inside out.

Much to Tim’s surprise, I suggested going to my local to give him a pool lesson and have a drink. I ended up staying after Tim left and well into the night, meeting new and interesting people, and taking home the guy I’d had my eye on all night. I kept looking at my cut up wrist (I told everyone it was cat scratches) and had to remind myself that I had been low enough to do that to myself just that morning. But that night it looked so foreign to me, like it was someone else’s arm. I felt so bad for that person.

The next day I woke up expecting my abrupt mood reversal to have been a short but sweet fluke. Holy fucking shit. I got out of bed without the normal nausea I fought back with clenched teeth. I felt like going on a walk and running some errands and even taking a shower and brushing my teeth. Maybe I’ll even floss! I was starting my first freelance assignment that day, and had a kick-off meeting downtown. I got ready without the dread I had come to expect. I opened my apartment door without staring at it in fear anywhere from 2 to twenty minutes. I didn’t have to firmly convince myself to leave my building and proceed to the sidewalk, saying under my breath, "One foot in front of the other". I strolled in the sun on a beautiful day, my only complaint being that my feet were hot. I had worn boots on a particularly warm day.

This even keel has stayed with me for three weeks now. I know the happy will not last forever – I’ve dealt with the never ending cycle of ups and downs since I was a kid. But I had never had to deal with what I can only describe as a darkness so complete, so vast, and so relentless for so long. I would wish this only on Hitler. And maybe my ex-husband.

Since I returned to the land of the living with a clear mind, I’ve been able to see silver linings and believe in the possibility of good things sprouting from the blackness I barely survived. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person I was before all this. I have found myself much more wary of anything that might make me vulnerable. It’s all internal, and I suppose the people I can still trust might not notice it, but I’ve noticed it. It’s a bit sad. Maybe I should hold a funeral for the part of me that gave everyone a chance, and wanted to help people because it made me feel good, and always tried to see the best in people, and trusted people I thought were friends. And the part that fell in love so deeply, with reckless abandon. The funeral for that part of me should be celebrated with a New Orleans funeral dirge. I will miss that part the most. It sparked some of the best and worst times of my life.

1997 was the worst year of my life until this year. On this past New Year’s Eve, a wisp of thought flashed through my head when midnight struck: “I wonder if 2007 will be a bad year. It couldn’t be as bad as 1997.” Turns out I was wrong. I would much prefer getting abused by someone I loved (1997) over what’s happened to me this year. Ideally, I’d prefer neither.

So now I feel human again. I even feel pretty again. I still see the boy I took home on that really fucked up, fateful day, and he makes me laugh like crazy, a genuine laugh. I no longer wake up to a living nightmare, wanting nothing but to go back to sleep. I no longer feel the need to kill myself just to end the pain that saturated my life for so long. I must admit a lurking fear that it might return. I get flashes of panic when I think about it. But I remind myself that the meds actually exacerbated the existing depression as I unwittingly kept taking them, desperately waiting to feel better. My aversion to routine caused a happy accident - I forgot to take my meds for long enough to bring on the demise of the darkness. This cleared my head enough to decipher the course of events and decide to continue to abandon the meds. Going cold turkey has caused some rather annoying dizzy spells every 10 seconds, but, hell, if that's my biggest problem, sign me up. At least I know exactly what's causing it, and that it'll eventually subside.

I think I'm finally okay.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

My Grandaddy

I always look forward to seeing Grandaddy, his heartfelt hug, then leaning back with his arms still around me, with a twinkle in his eye, he says, “You are so pretty!” At that moment I feel uniquely special.

Most of my memories associated with Grandaddy take place at the house my dad grew up in, in Arlington, VA. Since childhood, I loved exploring the woods behind the house, the paths Grandaddy created, the beautiful flower gardens and honeysuckle patch. Every year, my cousins, sister and I were warned about poison ivy in very specific places before Grandaddy would eventually just come out with us and make sure we didn't tangle ourselves into the ivy. That negated the scariness of the woods for me, that Grandaddy always came through to protect us from the scary thing he warned us about.

Right around Grandaddy's retirement, they added a sheltered back porch to the house. At first, we were averse to change, but now I see it as an idyllic testament to what Grandaddy enjoyed most about his home. While relishing Grammie's amazing breakfasts (country ham, grits and redeye gravy, or blueberry pancackes fried in rendered bacon fat), I was entertained with the willing birds (and squirrels!) that broke their fast on Grandaddy's bird feeders. Always at arm's length were books to identify the birds and insects that frequented the welcome terrarium he had created.

In the evening the porch provided front-row seats to the spectacle of lightning bugs and the symphony of cicadas, frogs, crickets, owls and other mysterious creatures we heard but never saw. In the heat of the Virginia summer I sacrificed the AC and cracked open the window of my Aunt Kathy's room (where I slept when I visited) to keep those night sounds next to me through the night. The serene world that Grandaddy created helped to lull me to sleep and keep me comforted through the night.

Grandaddy taught me how to shuffle cards when we were in Estes Park the summer of 1984. To this day I shuffle like a pro, proudly telling my friends that my grandfather taught me how to do it (whether they are interested or not). Along with that memory I think of the walks through the woods at Estes, seeing a chipmunk for the first time, and smelling the pine needles that reminded me of Christmas. This, I believe, was an extension of the world of nature he created at home.

Grandaddy’s generosity knows no bounds. I can’t count how many wonderful meals and vacations he has treated me to. I especially loved the dinners he took us to in Arlington, which helped to form the diverse culinary tastes I have to this day. I’ll never forget: I was about 13 years old, sitting next to Grandaddy at one of these dinners, and I managed to awkwardly shoot something from a skewer straight into his lap. I had stained his trousers with the sauce on the kebab, which would usually send him into a fit! But Grandaddy sensed my embarrassment and acted like nothing had happened, bless him. He reserves a certain forgiveness for family, on which side I'm fortunate to be on.

Of course, I can’t leave out the beach. This vacation that Grandaddy so graciously bestows upon us each year is something I look forward to more than anything else. Five days of sun, surf, blue crab, and family… it is a welcome respite from whatever might be happening in my life at the time. No matter what, I know that I have this week every year to be with my family, be myself, and bear no expectations except to love my family. I don't know how anyone could beat that.

When I was old enough, my parents told me I should thank Grandaddy for everything he treats us to, and now it comes as second nature to do so. I often feel like “thank you” is not enough, because it means so much more to me than just a vacation or a meal. These are times when I gather with a family whom I love, and those occasions are priceless and offer countless treasured memories.

Thank you, Grandaddy. I hope you know I love you beyond anything I can express in words. You deserve every ounce of it.